mad_andy

I'm tired.

I mean, not just tired but whoah, I am tired.

If I poke my throat I can feel two swollen things under my jaw. I wonder if there's something physically wrong this time or if its my mind playing tricks? You know, lotsa shit to do so lets just shut down, kinda thing.

Man, I am exhausted. And all I've done is potter around the house, write a shopping list, feed the ferrets, walk the dog. Nothing, really. And I'm sleeping. Also my appetite has gone for a burton, which is really not like me. Oh, and I'm cold. Really really cold. Which is odd because the house is warm.

I feel like a wet rag. All kinda...limp.

Weird.

And ack and all that. LJ isn't letting me post comments in anybody else's journal. It keeps saying - document contains no data. So it isn't that I don't give a shit, just that lj's being a bitch!

Too much sorting stuff today, more to do tomorrow, off to bed, fucking knackered. Night all.

Why am I awake? Why can't I sleep? I have to be at work at 1pm. It's now... 05:30. I have had roughly four hours sleep in the last 24.

Why can't I sleep?!

Okay. Calm. If you're not calm you won't sleep.

Right. Cars being set fire to again. That was midnight-ish. When Slay finds out about that he'll go back into we-must-move-house-NOW mode; this is all very well, but we've let the place fall into disrepair and it needs a lot of work to make it saleable at all, let alone get a decent price for it. Plus I know he wants to isolate me from what family and friends I do have - not, I think, as deliberately or as calculatingly as that. I think he's just a man who has to be in control, and he can't control friends and family. So he wants them kept at a nice safe distance. I cannot, however, live like that.

*Frets*

Maybe that's it. Worry. Because I don't want to move. I actually quite like it here. So I'm living in the roughest part of town - so what? it's not Detroit. New York. London, even. Yes, we had two cars set fire to a couple of years ago. So did two other people in our road, and probably seventy or eighty across town. It was just something the gangs of teenagers thought was funny that summer.

I'm not saying I approve. Or even that I understand. Just that that is what it was, and every town has its problems. Running away doesn't help.

I'm fretting.

I should be writing. That's a bright spot; writing is going well. For all that what I'm writing is turning out a good deal darker than I at first imagined. Eddie makes one hell of an avenging angel, that's for damn sure.

Oh, and to cap it all, I managed to upset kraftpistole. I certainly didn't mean to. I thought I was engaging in lively debate - and what I was doing was hurting a very gentle soul who's becoming very dear to me as time goes on. This bothers me a very great deal.

Oh joy, and now I have a nosebleed. I really need to quit smoking again - my blood pressure must be through the roof.

Oh...joy.

Well, I've spent the day happily a-kip after the nightmare weekend moving stuff. I've figured out how to use my CD burning software (a fact that should warm kraftpistole and silicondreams's hearts - well, it would if the latter hadn't just bogged off on her hols!).

Slay has come home and crashed out - no bad thing.

Overall, quite a pleasant and relaxed day. Tomorrow will be a bit more manic, but that's fair enough; I got my day of rest so I can't complain. arrys_girlie got her reply from Weiki. Had a conversation this morning that was funny as fuck; I've rarely encountered anyone so damn happy to have received mail! At least it wasn't of the go-away-psycho kind, quite the opposite. Always a relief, wot?

Had some very strange dreams today. Dark, awful dreams; didn't so much disturb me but oh boy, have I got some new material for Taking The Queen! Ah, but that one is sucking me in, just as Legend before it. (Both links lead to Rockfic so as ever, should you be under 18, don't even bother!)

Well. Need to find something resembling food then...I dunno...nice bath. Or something. *Grin* Or more sleep.

Ah, sleep...