Gah.

[mad_andy]

Why am I awake? Why can't I sleep? I have to be at work at 1pm. It's now... 05:30. I have had roughly four hours sleep in the last 24.

Why can't I sleep?!

Okay. Calm. If you're not calm you won't sleep.

Right. Cars being set fire to again. That was midnight-ish. When Slay finds out about that he'll go back into we-must-move-house-NOW mode; this is all very well, but we've let the place fall into disrepair and it needs a lot of work to make it saleable at all, let alone get a decent price for it. Plus I know he wants to isolate me from what family and friends I do have - not, I think, as deliberately or as calculatingly as that. I think he's just a man who has to be in control, and he can't control friends and family. So he wants them kept at a nice safe distance. I cannot, however, live like that.

*Frets*

Maybe that's it. Worry. Because I don't want to move. I actually quite like it here. So I'm living in the roughest part of town - so what? it's not Detroit. New York. London, even. Yes, we had two cars set fire to a couple of years ago. So did two other people in our road, and probably seventy or eighty across town. It was just something the gangs of teenagers thought was funny that summer.

I'm not saying I approve. Or even that I understand. Just that that is what it was, and every town has its problems. Running away doesn't help.

I'm fretting.

I should be writing. That's a bright spot; writing is going well. For all that what I'm writing is turning out a good deal darker than I at first imagined. Eddie makes one hell of an avenging angel, that's for damn sure.

Oh, and to cap it all, I managed to upset kraftpistole. I certainly didn't mean to. I thought I was engaging in lively debate - and what I was doing was hurting a very gentle soul who's becoming very dear to me as time goes on. This bothers me a very great deal.

Oh joy, and now I have a nosebleed. I really need to quit smoking again - my blood pressure must be through the roof.

Oh...joy.

Comments

[mayqueen517.livejournal.com]

*hugs* that sucks that you can't sleep. Have you tried warm milk?

*hugs* Oh no about upsetting her though! I'm sure it'll be worked out though Andy! *smooch*

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Hugs, hon. Sending good vibes! And licks from Tucker, who is right
<----- there. ;)

Please take better care of yourself.

[madandy.livejournal.com]

*Hugs for Tucker*

I promise to try...? (Reminds me of schooldays. I was the 'must try harder' kid.)

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Tucker much appreciated the hugs. And oh, lord... didn't mean to invoke your schooldays, as I intuit those aren't the best memories. Just meant... love you and don't want to see you not feeling good!

[madandy.livejournal.com]

*Snuggles* No worries. Your wording made me smile, is all!

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Ah, ok. Smiles are good!
More licks from Tucker, as my ears are now clean enough. ;) I'll pass them along.

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*cuddles Andy*

Look, if you ever need or want to just bloody well run away from your life for a little while... I'm only in Cambridge. I have crashspace available. I have a whole bloody army of local metal'eads who I am certain would love you. And I'd take you in out of the cold any night of the year. I mean that.

Take care of yourself, mate. *concerned hugs*

[madandy.livejournal.com]

I might just take you up on that...

Thanks! *Hugs*

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

Well, as soon as I've moved house (sometime in the next week or so) - any time after that, you show up, you'll be welcome. *nods determinedly* *hugs tight*

[madandy.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, that EddieFic has become so bloody hyooj that it's become a multi parter (I'm planning on three, but you know how these things go) - first part is up. Eddie's a bit... ummmm... enthusiastic about mayhem, I've discovered.

And I've just beta-ed (sorry Ev) an Eddiefic for arrys_girlie in which Eddie gets his leg over. So she has officially written the first EddiePorn!

Unleash the Beast...

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*reads your posted fic* O_O Wow! And I'm retreating into the shadows, then, because you guys are clearly better at this lark than me...

...on the other hand, given what's hanging about in said shadows at the moment, it's not all bad back here. ;)

[madandy.livejournal.com]

No! No! Don't you bloody dare! The bits you've sent me have kicked butt - I'm serious! I'm hyperventilating here, just at the thought of you not finishing that fic. I'm in love with it. Lust after it. Want it. Need it.

Get thee to thy keyboard, wumman!

No, we're not better. Just different, is all.

Your writing rocks my socks. You write Angsty!Tortured!Steve better than anyone I know - and that includes me. Not to mention I adore your Eddie, and am desperate to see the 'kick in the knackers' line used in anger.

Don't you dare slink off into the shadows.

T'aint allowed.

Y'hear?

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*pats you worriedly* Don't hyperventilate! I'll finish it. I'll even show it to you. I'm just blushing at the thought of daring to actually post it in public when it'll have to stand against yours. ¬.¬

Though if you're interested, by the way, I've also finished a random snippet that occurred to me last night after I signed off AIM. Ten minutes work, but... *shrugs* You want to see?

[madandy.livejournal.com]

Well duh. *Grin*

Yes please. My inbox is always open, you know that.

And your fic will stand very well with ours. I, for one, will be proud to add you to the small but select group of Maiden Ficcers - seriously, you have no worries on that score. At all.

Trust me. ;-)

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*feeds the inbox* There you go. :)

And, thank you. Really. *bows*

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

This is so cool. Even Eddie gets Slash.

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

No, wait... you never said "Slash." You said "Porn." Might just be Het.

Either way, still cool. Looking forward to that one.

[madandy.livejournal.com]

We are discovering that Eddie will, in fact, shag anything that doesn't run away fast enough. And he's not too particular about what he sticks his dick in, either - which is a really nasty habit, IMO...

*Glares at EddieMuse* No, it does not make you endearing!

Sheesh, I dunno. And I thought PanMuse was bloody hard work. *Snort* ;-)

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

[grin] Careful, or he might get to Pan next.

Although I'm sure Pan can run away fast enough.

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

Eddie/Pan? O_O

That would be intense, cos I reckon the sheer level of competitiveness and general aggression involved would flatten everything for half a mile around. They'd tear each other to bloody shreds just sorting out who got to top. ;)

(And now I'm imagining Steve sticking his head round the door of his guest bedroom and going "Ri-ight... which of you's intending to pay for the bed, the light fittings, the telly, the repainting the walls... and next time you can bloody well do that outside!"

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

There's the plot bunny right there. [grin]

[madandy.livejournal.com]

*Climbs tree to avoid rabid plot bunny*

You gits!

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

Wow. Even his plot bunnies are rabid. Can Eddie get any cooler?

[said as he joins Andy up the tree, bark flying out below as the bunnies tear at the bark]

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*Eddie strolls across, swinging an axe, and starts cutting the tree down, whistling happily to himself as he does so*

[dogologist.livejournal.com]

Valerian tea? Tastes vile, but it does work.

[madandy.livejournal.com]

I shall have to give it a go! Thanks.

[bella-cheval.livejournal.com]

}}}HUGS{{{

All will be well, dearheart. I promise.

And yes, you need to quit smoking. We love you too much to lose you early.

[feelforfaith.livejournal.com]

but we've let the place fall into disrepair and it needs a lot of work to make it salable at all, let alone get a decent price for it.

I know what you mean. If we were to move now, it would be a lot of work (and money) to get the house into a presentable condition, unless we wanted to sell below market value.

Don't let yourself be talked into moving if you really don't want to (and I don't mean just the condition of the house.) *hugs*

[silentinflames.livejournal.com]

I could bring a bucket. I mean in case the roof is leaky and it rains down beside the sofa I'll be sleeping on. ;)

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

[hug] [HUG] [stays there hugging till Andy has to wriggle a bit to make sure blood circulates in her arms]

Running away doesn't solve a problem, no. There isn't any place you can park your car where it'll be hard for the fire-starters to get at it...? Mm.

I know what it's like to worry, but try to take it an hour at a time, if need be. One thing I've found helps--sort of--is imagining that it did happen, and what can be done about it once the worst has come to pass. [suspects Andy's brows are now joining her hairline] Um. No good, huh...?

[back to hugging then]

[madandy.livejournal.com]

Actually? That's very good advice, Rick. *Hugs back* And hugs are always good!

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

It was? [blink blink] Wow. Thanks.