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mad_andyThere are days I love what I do. And there are days I wonder why I do it. Days when I feel like I make a difference and days I think I'm flogging my guts out for nothing. Sometimes they all happen on the same day.
My job's like that.
I found out today that my favourite patient--a Rottie with lymphoma (cancer), who was having weekly chemo--was put to sleep last friday. He'd been admitted when he came in for his usual dose of chemo and the boss decided to x ray and blood test him, because he was clearly not a well boy.
I liked him. He was a really sweet dog--didn't trust men so much, and had to be muzzled to actually have needles stuck in him, but he'd let me put the muzzle on him and sit in my lap for a cuddle while he had his treatment.
Every week the boss would bring him out and I'd yell "Hi Isaac!" and he'd wag that stupid stump of a tail and grin at me. Then I'd put the muzzle on and he'd plop himself on my knee for his chemo, then I'd take the muzzle off and tell him what a good boy he was. Then we'd cuddle again and the boss would take him back to his owners. This is a fifty kilo (and then some when he was doing well) fully grown male Rottweiler sitting in my lap and trembling. I'd put my arms round him and my chin on his head and he'd lean into me and that was him settled while we did our shit with needles and stuff. Never so much as a grumble, just the silent press of his back into my front and a bum-wriggle afterwards - because they still chop their tails off, bastard breeders. Anyway.
His owners knew how fond I was of him, and used to say that he went to visit his 'other woman' once a week!
He did incredibly well for a while, but last week he was a very miserable boy indeed. We had a cuddle but he didn't have any treatment--the boss x rayed him and the cancer was back, all through his system. They were with him when he was put to sleep, and asked the boss to pass their thanks to me. I'd gone home, you see.
Nice people, super dog.
And now I'm in tears and I've been really good all damn day. You get attached to some patients, you know?
Some people will be puzzled, and wonder how you can get so attached to an animal you know has a terminal disease. An animal that I only saw once a week, that could be pretty dangerous when he wanted to be.
Well, when he first met us he felt terribly ill and had no idea what we were doing. We poked him with needles and we sedated him and took x rays and biopsies and samples - and he took it all. Then he came back, still feeling poorly, and we filled him with drugs and all he wanted was a hug, some affection that would make him feel a little bit safer.
I...hope I provided that. Why me?
Because none of the other nurses wanted to go near him.
*Sigh*
Safe journey, Isaac. I'll miss you.
My job's like that.
I found out today that my favourite patient--a Rottie with lymphoma (cancer), who was having weekly chemo--was put to sleep last friday. He'd been admitted when he came in for his usual dose of chemo and the boss decided to x ray and blood test him, because he was clearly not a well boy.
I liked him. He was a really sweet dog--didn't trust men so much, and had to be muzzled to actually have needles stuck in him, but he'd let me put the muzzle on him and sit in my lap for a cuddle while he had his treatment.
Every week the boss would bring him out and I'd yell "Hi Isaac!" and he'd wag that stupid stump of a tail and grin at me. Then I'd put the muzzle on and he'd plop himself on my knee for his chemo, then I'd take the muzzle off and tell him what a good boy he was. Then we'd cuddle again and the boss would take him back to his owners. This is a fifty kilo (and then some when he was doing well) fully grown male Rottweiler sitting in my lap and trembling. I'd put my arms round him and my chin on his head and he'd lean into me and that was him settled while we did our shit with needles and stuff. Never so much as a grumble, just the silent press of his back into my front and a bum-wriggle afterwards - because they still chop their tails off, bastard breeders. Anyway.
His owners knew how fond I was of him, and used to say that he went to visit his 'other woman' once a week!
He did incredibly well for a while, but last week he was a very miserable boy indeed. We had a cuddle but he didn't have any treatment--the boss x rayed him and the cancer was back, all through his system. They were with him when he was put to sleep, and asked the boss to pass their thanks to me. I'd gone home, you see.
Nice people, super dog.
And now I'm in tears and I've been really good all damn day. You get attached to some patients, you know?
Some people will be puzzled, and wonder how you can get so attached to an animal you know has a terminal disease. An animal that I only saw once a week, that could be pretty dangerous when he wanted to be.
Well, when he first met us he felt terribly ill and had no idea what we were doing. We poked him with needles and we sedated him and took x rays and biopsies and samples - and he took it all. Then he came back, still feeling poorly, and we filled him with drugs and all he wanted was a hug, some affection that would make him feel a little bit safer.
I...hope I provided that. Why me?
Because none of the other nurses wanted to go near him.
*Sigh*
Safe journey, Isaac. I'll miss you.
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Date: 2006-05-04 08:29 pm (UTC)Safe journey to him, and hugs from me.
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Date: 2006-05-04 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-04 09:07 pm (UTC)Yes, you did make a difference. A big difference.I'm sure of that.
Safe journey, Isaac.
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Date: 2006-05-05 01:23 am (UTC)[hug]
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Date: 2006-05-05 01:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-05 02:15 am (UTC)So if you provided that love and safety for Isaac, then you've done so much.
*hugs*
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Date: 2006-05-05 08:50 am (UTC)Your story brought back all the painful memories of the day my last Rottie Yogi had to be put to sleep.
I too cradled him in my lap (and he was 50+kg too)on that fateful day and it's haunted me ever since.
It's certainly true that when you don't have kids, your pets become your surrogate children, it's just so damn hard that we outlive them.
In saying that, I'd never be without dogs, it's painful when they have to leave us, but the joy and comfort of having them up to then is so worth it!
Let's face it - they never answer back, they are always there to listen and never refuse a hug! Oh yeah - they can be naughty buggers too - only last night I came home to find the choccy and crisps left on the coffee table had been trashed and the bin had been raided, but the extremely sheepish look on Mindy's face as I stood there with hands on hips looking very stern soon had me laughing - God love 'em!! Ever seen a Rottie looking sheepish? - it' very funny!