Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

[mad_andy]

Guess what? Guess what guess what guess what?!

Yes kids, the prodigal snake has returned - Sam The Bastard is in da house!

*Pauses to do a happy dance round the room, dodgy knee and all*

See, I had to go to the quack this morning, and as I was running late (there's a surprise) I just wound the windows down instead of clearing the condensation off them. Anyway, before I drove hom I figured I would do so, and made use of an empty fag packet for the purpose. Moisture cleared from the windows I opened the passenger door to chuck the soggy packet in my rubbish bag--

--and saw a loop of very familiar yellow tail hanging down from behind the glovebox.

I stared at it for a second. Then grabbed it and felt it move - hallelujah, he's alive! - and began to try and winkle him out of his hiding place.

He didn't want to give in, but there was no way I was going to let go. If I had to call the AA and get them to disassemble the car around me, or the Fire Brigade had to cut away the bonnet I was NOT letting that snake go. Bless him, he was so cold and torpid that in the end he couldn't hang on, and I managed to carefully pull him free. Then I stood up and stared at the snake curled up in my arms, huddled into the warmth of my body.

Well, fuck.

Sam The Bastard, not dead after all.

So there I was, biggest grin ever plastered all over my face, standing in the car park of the doctor's surgery cuddling a big yellow snake.

A woman walked past me and eyed me curiously. I grinned at her - so happy I didn't care how much of a loon I looked like - and she paused to ask me if I was, as it appeared, holding a real live snake.

I trotted across the car park (still grinning) and showed her my booty, confirming that yes it was a real snake and yes I was a lunatic (although a harmless one) and gave her the sorry tale of Bad Sam. She stroked his head, and chuckled to see me so hyped that I had my pet back. So after spending a little longer cuddling my prodigal boy I began to wonder how the hell I was going to get him home.

Luckily, I am an untidy mofo and still had a glass box in the back of my car. (It's an Exo-Terra viv, but one of the glass doors is cracked and held together by parcel tape. I'm going to brace it with a piece of perspex, and it'll be fine. Not tremendously pretty, but it'll work.) So, although I wouldn't have trusted it to a warm and fighting fit Samuel, I figured it would hold him for the short drive home.

Besides, it was that or stuff him in my shirt. Any other snake, fine, but him? He'd strangle me out of sheer bloody-mindedness before we were halfway home.

So. When we pulled up outside the house he had his nose in the corner, trying to lever the lid off. That's my boy, never gives up. *Eyeroll* He clutched me tight when we went in; still absolutely freezing cold he could hardly move, but by God he was giving it a go. You would think this was a wild snake, dragged out of a comfy hibernating spot - not a captive bred animal that's been handled regularly since he was a bloody hatchling! Ungrateful little sod.

Anyway, had a reshuffle when we got in - Rosie back in one of the herp havens (flattish plastic box), not ideal but fine for the moment, and Sam in her tub. (It's a converted underbed storage box, the sort of thing you buy to keep sweaters in.)

Which he promptly tried to escape from. Figuring he was safe enough for the moment I texted Chris, Slay, Nic, and Simon - everyone I could think of that would be as excited as me - and squeed at rdyfrde who was still online. Slay called me back, absolutely astonished, and of course began to worry that he would be out again. Nonsense, I said, not a chance.

Shortly after that call there was a tremendous crash from the stack of tubs. Sam had almost managed to get the top off, and had slipped and rolled on his back with the recoil of the lid bouncing back on his head.

So Oli was turfed out of his (rather larger) converted sweater box, and Sam returned to the stack - with his tub on the bottom, two corn snakes and a python tub on top of his. Get out of that, fuckhead!

(Glancing over my shoulder as I type, I can see him now trying to dig his way out. He's obviously figured out that the lid isn't going anywhere, so he's trying the other way. *Snort*)

So he's warming up, he has a bowl of water with probiotic powder added (Reptoboost, wicked stuff from VetArk), and a small mouse defrosting. If he doesn't drink a significant amount today then he's going to find himself being stomach tubed - he needs the fluids, no matter how badly he wants out he's going to get them, one way or another.

Nic rang me back, and I could hear both nieces squeaking for sheer joy in the background; I believe I may be forgiven for losing Jess' snake now that I've found him! So they're popping over to visit later, to see the menagerie and welcome home the wanderer.

Sam is home. And although he's always going to be a swine to keep he's certainly one hell of a character - and I'm very, very glad to have him back.

Even if he has shit in the wiring loom of my car...!