*Sigh*

[mad_andy]

OK. I'm in Torino. Lia is fast asleep in bed. I'm trying to thump the muses into co-operating for just a little longer. We're going out later to try and see a little of the city.

Everything is, on the whole, going well.

So why am I sitting here feeling so miserable I want to cry?



OK. Yesterday Slay reminded me of his presence in the most obnoxious way - he calledme to complain that there was no cat food and what was I going to do about it?

What I did was not lose my temper, call work, get them to put aside a bag and called him back to arrange that he go collect it. Which he complained about. But did anyway because the cats were hassling him, and heaven forfend tha any of the animals disturb him in any way shape or form when he's sitting and watching the goddamn TV.

I suppose it reminded me of home, or at least made me think of it. Which got me thinking that, really, i don't have one. I have a place that I live. With someone I don't like a heck of a lot right now. Becausr the person I do like a heck of a lot lives in Italy.

Which of course got me thinking about relationships. Which I have sworn off for ever so what am I doing? Visiting a friend who is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than a friend. Sounds like a fucking relationship to me.

*Sigh* So of course I'm worried about screwing things up for her. She'll tell me not to worry, of course, but I do. Am I just rebounding? Am I just so horny I'm bounding into bed with the first sympathetic body that offers? Am I going to end up just stomping all over the heart of someone who makes me happy?

Crap crap crap. Crappity crap crap.

And everyone keeps asking for pics. Er. Guys. You don't want pics of what we've been up to so far becaue, with the exception of meeting friends for pizza (and having an evening in with them which was a blast) they're not the sort of pictures you share. Except on a porn site. Capisce?

Although today we're supposed to actually be going out and seeing the city, which although not as much fun as sending the day in bed at least means I should have some pics to share...although the weather is now miserable.

OK, I'm rambling now. Although at least the fucking nosebleed has now stopped.

I don't want to go home. And a friend I care about an awful lot is hurting and I feel pretty fucking useless in that direction too.

Can't I just sort of find a nice little hole to hide in somewhere and never, ever come out again?

*Sigh*

Comments

[stonefinder.livejournal.com]

...he called me to complain that there was no cat food and what was I going to do about it?

*picks jaw off the floor*

What? He could go to the store or the office and pick up a bag of cat food by himself? What is he, helpless? Jesus Christ! Passive aggressive much? Shit.

As for the other, all I can say is that you guys talked and got to know each other for a long time before you met up. Is it a rebound situation? Maybe, but I don't think so. That you're even worried about it is a good sign, because I suspect most people on the rebound hardly even give that thought two seconds of their time. I wish I had something brilliant to say or that would help better, but as I am neither all I can add is take it as it comes. Perhaps it's what you both need right now. Whether it will be in the future, who can say, but for now, it clearly works. Is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so. Your a good person Andy, I can't see you "stomping" over her heart.

*hugs*

[bella-cheval.livejournal.com]

[hugs]

Sigh. I'm very sorry, Andy.

[hugs again]

[screwthedaisies.livejournal.com]

Oh jeez. I of course have no idea what's going on in your head, but from the outside...can you say match made in heaven omg? I hardly call Lia the "first sympathetic body that offers"--I mean, how freaking long have you two known each other now? How many hours have been spent hanging out, if only virtually? How much do you absolutely adore each other?!?

So that settles it. Throw over the husband (sorry Slay, but it's really what's best for you, too), move both your butts to Asheville, and see where it takes you.

In other words: what would Yoz do? Okay. So do it.

(Again, this is based on what I see from the outside only. I have no access to what's in your head. And lastly: if you perceive any sort of pressure from my words, think of it as a pressure toward doing something that makes you happy, not a pressure to be happy with Lia. If that's truly not what's going to make you happy, then of course I wouldn't expect you to do it.)

[screwthedaisies.livejournal.com]

(And...so...we're not going to get booby pictures? Damn it.)

[madandy.livejournal.com]

Be very very careful what you wish for, H. ;)

And...thanks.

[beanside.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm sorry he's being an ass.

And, since you don't know me that well outside of my writing, I'm thinking I should probably preface this with a tiny story, if you'll indulge me.

For most of my life, I've sucked at relationships, and thus have avoided them mightily. I've dated octopi, crazy bitches...okay, mostly crazy bitches. So, about 6 years ago, I was in a crappy relationship, with yet another crazy bitch, who was needy, clinically bipolar, and looking for someone to make it all right. In the meantime, I was becoming friends with another writer in wrestlefic who could write a scene that would make you alternately cry, laugh, and need new batteries. We started chatting, and we wrote a couple of fics together, that in retrospect, practially ooozed with UST. CrazyBitch promptly dragged her into our relationship, making it an online threesome. That lasted about three months, at which time CB decided that we weren't paying enough attention, and dumped us both.

After another year of mostly online dating interspersed with weekend visits (booty calls *grin*) now and again, she moved here, and five years later, here nilchance and I are, still together, and more in love than ever.

So, when I say, go for it, I know what i'm talking about. Sure, it has the potential to blow up in your face, but hey, so does life. And, when it does work... *grin* It's worth all of it.

[screwthedaisies.livejournal.com]

I love that story.

[madandy.livejournal.com]

That is incredibly cool. *Grins*

And just...thanks.

[jessybxx.livejournal.com]

I can't say I know either of you very well, and then, I'm also the lamest person in the universe. But my advice would be to do what your heart tells you.
And then, in Germany, we say "you always have two persons". So I'm sure Lia has something to say about this as well ;)

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Sending hugs, love and encouragement to do what's right (for you both) and will make you (both) happy.

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

So... I was right...? [blinks] I picked up on-- Oh wow. Wow. You guys are--? Oh, wow. That's... That's so right, somehow. Like H said. It's not a surprise at all. [pokes insides] Nope. Not at all. Seems perfectly natural to me.

Hey, Andy, I think you know what you want. It's just hard to decide. Trust you me when I say I know how that feels [kicks at his own stupid indecision]. But I think you already know what you want to do. You no longer really love Slay. So see where your feelings are taking you now. And I suspect this sounds very flippant; I'm sorry for that. I just want you to be happy.

[madandy.livejournal.com]

Yes Rick, you were right. *Ruffles Rick's hair*

And you're not being flippant. And Slay can be a great guy and a really good friend - he just sucks to be married to, is all.

As for happy...I don't, actually, think I'm capable of happy. Not for more than short bursts, anyway; but I will certainly settle for not being suicidal! *Snort*

Thanks. *Bumps shoulder and grins*

[rdyfrde.livejournal.com]

Well I have no advice relationship-wise as I've never been in a relationship but I guess all I can tell you is follow your heart. Yeah that might sound cliche as hell but that's all the got :)

::hugs::

[madandy.livejournal.com]

Thanks Fred. *Hugs back*

[mayqueen517.livejournal.com]

I ain't got too much to offer to this cept for...3 things:

1--As everyone else has said...go for it. You'll never know what you can do until you just leap in. *nudge* Remember our conversation when I was so undecisive about what to do? Keep that in mind...it's certainly helped me.

2--You and Slay have reached something of an impasse(is that even the right word?) in your complete relationship. It's possible to love someone and not be in love with them, and right now all that is happening is that you both are hurting one another I suspect. So..I think the healthiest thing for both of you is to part. And in doing so you're going to be able to keep that friendship that probably drew you to each other in the first place.

3--You and Lia, eh?

Andy, if it's keeping you content and her content...then that's that. From impressions gathered through the few Ims and other conversations I've had with both you and Lia it certainly does feel right. You two probably know each other better than myself and some of my real life friends do. Ultimately we're your friends and we care about you being happy and well, however that may be.

And don't go hide! We'd all miss you and then we'd have to ferret you out and THEN you'd probably be really angry with us. *winks*

*hugs* We're all here for you if you need to talk, absolutely positively promise.

[adrenalized.livejournal.com]

Andy, I can't really add to what the others have said except - you do what's right for you. For way too long I did what others expected me to do and sacrificed a lot of my own happiness cos a)I didn't want to hurt anyone and b)I worried about what others thought of me. Result? I wasted a hell of a lot of years.
Don't forget, all your Lepp girls are here for you too.
Big *Hugs* are coming in June honey xx

[navigatorsghost.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

FWIW, I went straight out of a wrecked marriage into dating lonescorpion and haven't had any rebound-type problems in the slightest. Sometimes the right person comes along without giving you three months' notice. Sometimes you just become ready to move on and that's when you notice that you've known the right person for ages already.

And it sounds to me like that's what happened here, to be honest. So I shall just send both of you hugs and wish you much joy. Best wishes!

[fillefjonkan.livejournal.com]

I suck at giving advice to anyone when it comes to this kind of thing, but what everyone else has said here makes perfect sense. Just go with how you feel - otherwise you'll spend so much time regretting it. And talk to Lia about it, even though it's one of the hardest things to do - it tends to be calming. Other than that... if this works out... awesome. :D